Marital Infidelity

By R.K. Eashvar Pillai

Marriage A Civil Contract:

Marriage is neither merely a civil agreement nor an institution for brute sense gratification in Hindu society. It is sacrament and comprehends the equality of partners. The 7th house of a horoscope deals with various aspects of marriage. The 7th lord and Venus, the Kalatrakaraka, also play a significant role. In fact, Venus is the focal point in the horoscope to be studied for marital happiness or discord, or so to say everything about marriage.

Marriage is often called a necessary evil. It is necessary because without a partner life is dull, dry and monotonous. There is no salt in it without a sweet heart. For Omar Khayyam the sweet heart singing even in wilderness can transform that wilderness into a paradise which even the gods may envy. Leering glances, a soft touch and a delicate smile is very necessary to make life worth living. It is not alone a hot chase of materialistic gains but also something more and beyond. To make life worth living one needs a partner to share the joys and sorrows of life, to discuss its problems and to confide. Marriage is thus necessary.

Marriage is evil because its concomitants are burdensome. Sometimes it is too burdensome to be continued. The first casualty is the individual freedom itself. Adjustment at every step is the watch word. Before marriage it was the individual himself who was the centre of all activities. After marriage we have to satisfy the needs of two, self and the partner. The children also after sometime start laying their claims. So many responsibilities spring up. Bringing up the children, their education and making them able to stand on their own legs is essential, but a difficult task. Those who are afraid of this, like to go without marriage. Out of the fear of one they fail to taste the other.

Why Marriage - be unsuccessful?

While dealing with male and female horoscopes, with special reference to marriage, married life and personal life, the ancients laid down unimpeachable principles. If an astrologer who is faithful to his profession applies his mind carefully and examines a horoscope with particular reference to the nature of the married life and the consequences thereof, he will not fail to render social service by preventing numerous marital misfortunes, divorces, unhappy marriage and burdensome marriages.

One such incidence in life which makes married life most unhappy is what is called extra-marital relations, either legally or illegally. When this develops people invariable and as a rule lose their mental balance and even resort to committing shocking crimes. An honest attempt is made here to bring out the planetary combinations which involve a person - male or female – in extramarital relations or approved or unapproved plural marriages.

Our Sastras are emphatic that if, in a female’s horoscope, the 3rd, the 4th and the 5th houses are all occupied by malefic planets or planes which are either in debilitation or interplanetary war, the native’s character may not stand a close moral examination. Similarly if the 7th, the 8th, and the 9th houses either from the Ascendant or from the strong Moon are all consecutively occupied by malefic planets, the native’s personal and sexual life will be anybody’s guess both before and after marriage. But an astrologer should not apply these dictums accurately without considering neutralizing factors.

Saturn in the 7th house either from the Ascendant or from the Navamsa Ascendant causes either unconventional marriage or a marriage of convenience. Some texts observe that if such a situation occurs in the birth chart, it will relate to the first or real marriage and if such occurrence is seen in the Navamsa chart, then it relates to either post-marriage relations or extra-marital relations.

Venus in Gemini is considered an ominous planetary configuration affecting one’s marriage or married life. If it happens to be the birth chart, there will be either disturbed, trouble some or unhappy marriage unless there is exchange of houses between Mercury and Venus. If however Venus occupies Gemini in the Navamsa chart bereft of any cancelling effects, there will be problems after the marriage and there will be extra-marital or clandestine relations. It is often said that a horoscope having the Ascendant lord and the 7th lord in interplanetary war as a rule indicates disturbed marriage either due to plural marriage or due to extra-marital relations. The 7th lord in the 9th house is considered to be yet another unfortunate placement especially in a female horoscope as it disturbs marriage or indicates erratic sexual behavior of the husband. In some cases it causes Sapatni Yoga or Avakalatra Yoga. Saturn in the 9th house in a friendly sign or in an exalted place is also considered to be a dangerous sign for a happy married life.

There are some of the principles found in text-books; but these are but a few of the thousands of examples. Extra-marital relations, with reference to a man, may be classified into 5 categories, viz.,

  • A second marriage with the consent of the first wife;
  • Physical relation with a virgin or a divorcee or a widow who is not legally married but who for all intents and purposes is treated as a wife and is approved by the first wife;
  • A second marriage either due to disturbance or failure of the first marriage or due to dissatisfaction with or divorce of the first wife;
  • A clandestine love affair either with a virgin or with a married woman or a divorcee or a widow but without the knowledge of the legal wife; and
  • Developing physical relations with any other woman discarding the legally married wife either for justifiable reason or for no reason and living in a far off place.

Each category is a class by itself and our Sastras have laid down various planetary combinations and configurations to indicate each of the 5 categories.

Late And Delay In Marriage

Since the time of Ramayan and Mahabhart marriage in India is considered essential for absolving “Pitri Rina” In Royal families the main consideration used to be of a Royal family immaterial of the fact how far is the place or what is language, but in middle ages in middle class families caste, religion and language were the main considerations for marriage therefore, the area of consideration of marriage started shrinking.

With economic development the preference of education, career, service etc., started changing. There are changes in the size of the family - we now have nuclear families, therefore children want to settle down first and then marry. Education is an important consideration for girls. They want to complete certain level of education before marriage. All this results in pushing up the eligibility age of marriage or right age of marriage.

Earlier, the age of marriage used to be 15 to 18 years, at present it is about 20-22 years and in metropolitan cities, may be 22-25 years. Hence if a girl is married before 25 years of age it is considered timely marriage – before this early marriage and after this late marriage. For boys there used to be additional considerations of family responsibilities like marriage of sisters or brothers and sometimes supplementing the income of father or family in a joint family which delays marriage. Therefore if a boy is married before 28 years it is timely, beyond that it is late marriage.

Though child marriages are declining, many parents do not consult as Astrologer and still follow their traditions. We therefore have to keep in mind Desh, Kaal, Patr before giving predictions. The social background is essential for it. The compatibility criterion has also changed on the basis of education, levels of jobs, nature of job in urban areas. Astrology may be one of the factors for delay in marriage. Shankaracharya Shri Chandra Shekhar Saraswtiji did not allow tallying of horoscopes beyond 26 years of age and stressed on reconciliation. Accepting imperfections has been accepted in Hindu Astrology but Dosh Samya can also be another reason for delay in marriage.

Mangal Dosha is accepted for delay but Saturn in 8th house aspects 5th house delaying child birth which means delay in marriage. Except in tribals or western society – child birth outside wedlock (without marriage) is not accepted. Hence Saturn in 8th house is cause of delay in marriage. In a good consideration the focus should be on Venus, the significater of marriage. Afflicted or between two malefic it can be a reason for delay or unhappy sensual enjoyment.

Together with economic reasons there are some sociological and psychological reasons. Young boys and girls are very ambitious, sometimes overambitious about their spouse’s financial and social status. This kind of rejection of match of educated families in the initial years, results in delay of marriage.

Dowry is another factor for delay. In middle class educated families, marriages are delayed sometimes, because of their inability to provide dowry, demanded exorbitantly by boy’s family. Sometimes, it is the other way, when boys and girls want well educated spouse but parents prefer dowry which eventually results in delay. Excessive interference by parents (mostly by mothers) delays marriage.

One of the most important reasons is lack of adjustment among girls to adjust to boy’s family. They want everything according to their choice. Tolerance is also reducing. Refusal to live with boy’s parents which used to be the tradition – compels parents to find a boy living alone, resulting in delay marriage.